Thursday, March 21, 2013

"Revenge" of the "Nerds"

Good news everyone! Rejoice, for a time of redemption is at hand. Yes, all of you brethren who were unfortunate enough to develop a leaning toward subculture-oriented media in your days of public schooling, otherwise dubbed by your seemingly indefatigable physical superiors as nerds, geeks, dorks, freaks, queers, mouth-breathers, losers, pantywaists, wusses, pussies, pansys, faggots, quags, maynards, fergusons, Van Houtens, dinkleys, spanglers, and bitches, our time is at hand. Finally, in our post racial society, we have also fostered a culture of acceptance that has made such leaps and bounds since the time that having a copy of the novelization of Return of the Jedi was something to keep hidden from the public at all costs. No longer is there a gaping social chasm between Joe Mainstreet Football-Fan and Quincey "New-In-Box" First Edition Action Figure Collector/Elvira Enthusiast.

Proof, you say? Well, if the mainstream blockbuster success of such phenomena as The Big Bang Theory and Comic Book Men left any doubt in your mind that the sun has risen on a new age of enlightenment, look no further than this (which I came across in my Facebook feed):

not because I Googled "Hottest Nerd Girl". I swear. 

Finally... finally, people are beginning to respect those with differing opinions about what's "cool" or "attractive". How else could a contest like this come about? At long last, a cultural mecca like Philadelphia is willing to fly in the face of conventions and sponsor a beauty contest in which the individuality and uniqueness of the contestants challenges our preconcieved notions of the status quo. I mean, take "Angel" here: 

Instantly you'll note the trappings of a once-trampled underclass: the bulky, sadly broken, thick lensed glasses (doubtlessly a hold-over from parents who either couldn't afford or refused to acknowledge the need for a more stylish model), the suspenders (probably a result of the same), and the Catholic school uniform, whose solemn conformity was probably one of few similarities she shared with fellow private school students who surely looked down upon her because of her choice of books, movies, and music. 

But if you look beyond these things, you'll see subtler, more painful hints in the eyes of these nerd girls. Beyond those horned-rims, there's a sad look that says, "Yes, I understand, for I too had my Millennium Falcon broken by bullies outside of the hobby shop ten minutes after I bought it. I too was the only middle-schooler who still wore a ridiculous bicycle helmet, and I too spent the bulk of my weekends watching Star Trek with my parents while my peers were at the mall learning how to french kiss and smoke cigarettes."

Yes, the wurm has turned, as it always does. The word "nerd", once used as a derisive expletive by those who hated and wanted to kill you, can now be used as a badge of pride and honor by those who truly underwent a social trial-by-fire. But what is the prime mover for this long overdue phenomenon? What could possibly have evened the social scales and given these nerd girls the chance to flaunt their uniqueness, free of the undue criticisms of the past? The answer is so simple, we should have realized it long ago:

All they had to do was already be stripper-hot and take all of their clothes off for radio DJ's.